For me, faith and belief have always been something very tenuous. I had spent the majority of my adult life and professional career as a telecommunications engineer. As such, I was accustomed to working within the constraints of hard facts, design objectives, performance metrics, and end user satisfaction reports. In the life of an engineer, I found little to no room for ambiguity. Choice was based upon predictability of outcome. Within my office there were shelves filled with books that addressed operating principals, design limitations, and benchmark data. Perhaps my choices on a project may not have always been clear at first. However, if I knew where to look, how to interpret the documentation and data, clarity was well within reach. It was this clarity, this fact-based certitude that laid the foundation and path forward. Early in my career a mentor once told me, “You don’t need to know everything. You just need to know where to look for the answer”. Some of the best advice I was ever given.
This brings me to being Catholic, and a Benedictine Oblate. Here I move from the black and white, and knowns of telecommunication engineering to faith, belief, morality and the spiritual life. Something that all too often I find nebulous. I begin to question my choices; the path forward becomes obscure. Have I interpreted teachings correctly? Am I blindly being obedient? Am I being reluctant to evolve with the revelations and interpretations of the church? Am I looking to the past nostalgically, holding onto what is comfortable? If I listen to the news, watch video podcasts or look at social media, my questions and doubts grow. Opinions abound, information flows, I become overwhelmed, questions and doubts pile one upon another.
I have been thinking a good deal about this, the quandary of belief and path that I am being called to travel, what am I to believe, the sources of information; discernment and conversion. I have felt troubled and to be honest, a bit depressed. Direction is unclear. My steadfastness is anything but steadfast. God feels remote. What are the answers? Who do I trust. What is truth and what is opinion? The noise can be overwhelming. It is at this point that I recall what my mentor from my days as a telecommunication engineer said; “You don’t need to know everything. You just need to know where to look for the answer”. So, I pick up my Bible.
As part of my reading, I came to Psalm 12. A short Psalm but filled with relevance.
Plea for Help in Evil Times Help, LORD; for there is no longer any one that is godly; for the faithful have vanished from among the sons of men. 2Every one utters lies to his neighbor; with flattering lips and a double heart they speak. 3May the LORD cut off all flattering lips, the tongue that makes great boasts, 4those who say, "With our tongue we will prevail, our lips are with us; who is our master?" 5"Because the poor are despoiled, because the needy groan, I will now arise," says the LORD; "I will place him in the safety for which he longs." 6The promises of the LORD are promises that are pure, silver refined in a furnace on the ground, purified seven times. 7Do, O LORD, protect us, guard us for ever from this generation. 8On every side the wicked prowl, as vileness is exalted among the sons of men. One of my favorite versions of the Bible is The Didache Bible. I find it easy to read but what really sells it for me is the inclusion of detailed commentary and links to supporting passages from The Catechism of the Catholic Church. The commentary associated with Psalm 12 I have included below.
This psalm touches on several manifestations of falsehoods that violate the Eighth Commandment: lies, flattery, duplicity, and boasting. This category of deceitful spirit would also include calumny, detraction, perjury, and rash judgment. Lies are damaging because they undermine trust and goodwill, which in turn has ill effects on relationships with others and creates discord and strife. Who is our master?: The ultimate lie is that falsehood will prevail or, worse still, that there is no absolute truth as if truth could change with particular circumstances. This denial of eternal and immutable truth is called moral relativism, which is a dramatic contradiction of the objective truth given by natural law and Divine Revelation. How do I hear the voice of truth, the voice of my master? The Benedictine life calls for periods of silence. A silence that is not just an absence of noise but an opening of the heart and mind to the voice of God. In fact, the Holy Rule begins with the sentence: “Listen carefully, my child, to my instructions, and attend to them with the ear of your heart.”
Faith is a true sincere conversion. We all hand on the faith not only to those nearest to us but to all we encounter, not merely by teaching doctrine, but by living a faith that is visibly alive. Daily prayer, faithful attendance at Mass, and a genuine love for Christ in the ordinary and every day events of our lives, that if lived rightly, grace can flourish. This must flow from an interior transformation, a transformation brought on by truly hearing, and listening to the voice of our Creator.
It is this vary act, the act of sitting silently in the presence of our Lord, listening with the ear of the heart, that for me, serves as a lifeline when in doubt. To silence the mind is a difficult task. The news of the day, the tasks that I must attend to, the phone calls and emails that I need to respond to, my weaknesses and failing, all come flooding in and distract me. All adding to the noise which keeps me from hearing the soft voice of the Lord. But without this silence, our relationship with God is weakened. Truth becomes difficult to discern, our faith and beliefs wane.
Listening with the ear of the heart, this true listening is not passive. It is an intentional act requiring focus, openness, and receptivity. It is an act of will, cultivating inner silence. This inner silence is where God waits to speak to me, where I know to look for the answers